Kid’s arguing? Give them power
Thanks to a charismatic yet ill-mannered older relative, my son has taken to annoy people with uncalled-for thoughtless categorical remarks. That stuff had stuck in him so deeply that he didn't realize doing this, just couldn't keep in. Often, we his parents couldn't help getting mad trying to discuss something important with him. We're not so bad at adapting to different personalities but with this issue, he always took us aback, coming to this mood out of the blue as if he'd got up on the wrong side of the bed. Understanding came too late, after the wrong words has already been said.
That day, he started squabbling while we were working on his study plan. Whatever I said, was met with penny arguments. “Look, you just object to everything I say and it doesn't get us nowhere,” I said, feeling ready to burst out with anger.
“No I don't.”
“Yes you do. Right now you're inhaling and your mouth is open to give another argument.”
He realized that he was indeed sitting with the mouth open. A little triumphantly I watched him struggling with himself.
Then we went back to business and the habit got over him again. He was talking and talking silly things while I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to pick myself up. He had finally noticed my state and stopped in confusion.
Finally, silence made thinking easier. Maybe that was why Stephen Covey's First Things First book, which I'm a big fond of, came to my mind. It's always been a great help when I've been in the right mood to keep focus on. So I said: “Look son. I'm your boss but a special kind of boss. That means I'm here not to give orders but to support you with my adult experience, to help you understand your goal and reach it. As to my own goal for now, I just want you to pass the school examination. So, now you do the plan and I just sit by your side for emotional support. And when you need anything else that I can do for you, I'm immediately available.”
It was splendid to see the immediate change of mindset in the son. He abandoned squabbling and, having mobilized, finished the plan mostly by himself with just a little bit of help from his “boss”.
That day, he started squabbling while we were working on his study plan. Whatever I said, was met with penny arguments. “Look, you just object to everything I say and it doesn't get us nowhere,” I said, feeling ready to burst out with anger.
“No I don't.”
“Yes you do. Right now you're inhaling and your mouth is open to give another argument.”
He realized that he was indeed sitting with the mouth open. A little triumphantly I watched him struggling with himself.
Then we went back to business and the habit got over him again. He was talking and talking silly things while I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to pick myself up. He had finally noticed my state and stopped in confusion.
Finally, silence made thinking easier. Maybe that was why Stephen Covey's First Things First book, which I'm a big fond of, came to my mind. It's always been a great help when I've been in the right mood to keep focus on. So I said: “Look son. I'm your boss but a special kind of boss. That means I'm here not to give orders but to support you with my adult experience, to help you understand your goal and reach it. As to my own goal for now, I just want you to pass the school examination. So, now you do the plan and I just sit by your side for emotional support. And when you need anything else that I can do for you, I'm immediately available.”
It was splendid to see the immediate change of mindset in the son. He abandoned squabbling and, having mobilized, finished the plan mostly by himself with just a little bit of help from his “boss”.
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